Saturday, February 28, 2009

Oh, Tiger

How could you do this to us?
How could you let us down this way?
Accenture has just dropped you like a
moldy bag of garbage
tossed out on the curb for pick-up.

And pick up you did.
Cocktail waitresses, for crying out loud.
Hostesses at private clubs,
Buxom porn stars,
Paid escorts,
Pancake house waitresses.
The bad news keeps on coming.

You’re still number one on the internet:
most frequently googled celebrity
currently mired in scandal.
Child protection investigators beating
on your door.
Sightings of Elin gassing up her SUV,
minus her wedding ring.
Rumors of divorce, pay-offs, and pre-nups.

Hell hath no fury, brother.
Didn’t you know that?
Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to put in writing
what you don’t want the whole world to see?

The world watches in bewildered amazement
as one mistress after another steps forward,
as if on cue,
to reveal shameful secrets while
grabbing their fifteen minutes of fame.

Why can’t we look away?
After all the tweeters and bloggers
and TV talking heads
and late night comedians
and pop psychologists and
sports broadcasters
and talk show hosts
have weighed in,
we stare, transfixed,
as a national treasure self-destructs.

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